From 2007 to about 2011, I specialized in paper organization/reduction and Records Management in businesses. In one 18-month project, I helped a 5,000-employee company reduce the number of 5-drawer file cabinets by 73% prior to their move to a new corporate campus.
Clients invited me into offices overrun with stacks of paper, disorganized file drawers, and shame. My role was not to judge. My role was that of counselor, organizer, advisor, and drawer-cleaner-outer.
I have seen it all. I found thong underwear in a manila file folder in one client’s office. I located a collection of teeth in a pill box in another client’s top desk drawer.
It takes a lot to shock me. Until I entered her office.
Tiaras. Sparkly wands. Fluffy pink things. 47 signs with the word “Princess” somewhere on them. Picture frames, tiny statues of princesses on every horizontal surface. Princess stuff. E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E. Glinda (and Galinda!) would have been jealous.
And, sitting behind a desk littered with princess-y things was a stiff-backed woman in a beige suit looking at her lap.
BLUF (bottom line up front): An employee had once called her a princess during an office party. It was a passing comment that exploded into years and years of princess-themed gifts for her birthday, Boss’s Day, Tuesday, you name it. It started small and grew into a fluffy pink office monster.
She hated…despised…loathed the princess stuff. It was not *her*.
Her eyes were purposefully downcast whenever someone entered her office so that she did not have to see the jaw-dropping shock on the face of the visitor. I was one of many people with eyes like saucers who had passed through her doorway.
So why? Why did she keep it all???
She loved her team. She did not want to appear unappreciative or “above it.” It was as simple (and complex) as that.
One very short but poignant conversation later, after I regained control of my face, she looked up from her lap and said, “Get rid of it. Let’s get rid of it all.”
In 15 minutes, every princess-adjacent thingamabob was packed in boxes in the back of my SUV ready for my daily run to Goodwill.
Again, why? Why was she so quickly able to get rid of things she had lived with AND hated for years?
Because, psychologically, she gave herself permission.
She had built a fence between where she was and where she wanted to be. All I had to do was crack the gate open a tiny bit, and she blasted the entire fence into splinters.
I have never had a client so happy with such little effort on my part. She just needed to give herself permission to say “That’s it. No more.”
I just happened to have boxes ready and waiting to be filled.
Mastering the Art of Refusal
The Crazy Productive Academy, among many other treats, consists of five success path courses, the second of which is called “Oracle of Hours: Navigating Modern Calendar Demands with a Little-Known Ancient Method.” It is a journey into the power of your calendar framed through an interdisciplinary lens of psychology, neuroscience, and Greek Philosophy.
In Oracle, Academy members get to meet Chronos and Kairos. Chronos is steadfast and present in our daily routines and schedules. Kairos appears to us as moments of opportunity, inspiration, and reflection.
Kairos withers in a life where there are no spaces, no margins, no bandwidth. Kairos thrives when we give ourselves permission to say “That’s it. No more!” to things that are filling all the nooks and crannies of our consciousness (and calendars).
A balanced life consists of the presence of both Chronos and Kairos.
I touched base with the occupant of the (formerly) princess-themed office two weeks after we met and then again six weeks later. She was relieved, elated even. She felt free to be the innovative professional that had been buried under that mountain of pink fluff and glitter. She was able to unleash Kairos in her life and felt better than she had in years.
It’s amazing how many YESSES can be unleashed by one meaningful NO.
So, here is my challenge – and gift – to you.
What gate do you need to open just a tiny crack? Can you kick the gate open the rest of the way? Can you give yourself permission to say, “No more”?
I want to help. I’d like to offer you a free 20-minute encouragement session to crack open any gate that is inhibiting the presence of Kairos or Chronos in your life.
Funny word, encourage. En-COURAGE (verb): to support bravery, motivation, gumption.
Schedule a chat with me RIGHT HERE.
Peace and love to you,
Melissa
Melissa Gratias (pronounced “Gracious”) used to think that productivity was a result of working long hours. And, she worked a lot of hours. Then, she learned that productivity is a skill set, not a personality trait. Now, Melissa is a productivity expert who coaches and trains other businesspeople to be more focused, balanced, and effective. She is a prolific writer and speaker who travels the world helping people change how they work and improve how they live. Contact her at getproductive@melissagratias.com or 912-417-2505. Sign up to receive her productivity tips via email.
OMG! What a wonderful article? this resonated with me. Thanks!
I so get this. I had always had cats and loved them. As a result, every year I would receive cat items to display. Figurines, cute signs, pillows, etc. abounded. I did not enjoy taking care of all this stuff but didn’t want to hurt the feelings of those who gave them to me. And because I always thanked them and said how much I appreciated the gift; I kept getting more. Finally, it came time for me to move to a new home and that was my chance to just chuck it all. It really was freeing! And I let my family and friends know that in my new home I didn’t want anything that I had to hang, dust, or take care of.
I can totally relate, Jonda! Even before I saw your comment, I thought of a friend who used to give me whatever cat-themed stuff he found at thrift sales and garage sales, including books, a planter, a paper clip holder and probably more that I’ve forgotten. He has since passed away and I’ve allowed myself to get rid of a bunch of it, though I’ve kept a few that I really like.
What a great story. This happens more than you might think. Word gets out that you “like” something, and people (in an effort to be thoughtful), give you tons of stuff. Collections that were once fun become a burden. I love that you shared this story, and the empowerment that comes from realizing we have agency to make decisions regarding what we keep. It doesn’t mean we don’t love the givers, or appreciate their thoughtfulness, but that alone isn’t sufficient for making us fill our spaces with stuff we don’t want.
Wow, Melissa! What a powerful story filled with important messages.
The idea of opening the gate is “just a tiny crack” to extend permission to let go. Of course, it might not just be about letting go, but it was in the story you shared. Your client was ready but needed that extra encouragement and realization that it was OK to shift her perspective and release what didn’t make sense for her.
And when she did, she flourished and better aligned with who she was. Congratulations on being the catalyst that enabled her to get there.
The thong underwear in the file folder reminds me of that scene from The West Wing (though it was in an envelope on the show). Yes, my friend, you are unflappable!
My sister had elephants; she acquired one and the world conspired for decades to acquire more for her on her behalf. For me, it was cows. We had cows right behind the satellite dishes at the TV station; while my colleagues took smoke breaks outside, I’d stand in the parking lot and moo at the cows. And the cows would moo back. And my colleagues all bought me cows until my office looked like an advertisement for a dairy. If I decided to downsize, someone would get hurt feelings; eventually, it took a move (mooooooove?) to a new city and new TV station to eliminate the cow collection once and for all. Giving yourself permission to make a big change (especially if your identity and/or other people’s feelings are at issue) is a toughie, but you are right (of course) on all counts!