Lately, I feel like all I am saying is “No.”

No, Whitney. I don’t need another beer. I’ll just take the check.
No, Shanan, I cannot hang out with you by your pool on Friday.
No, Julia, I cannot take care of this important legal matter right now.
No, Dear Reader, I cannot blog this month because I have zero inspiration.
No, Julie, I have not thought of all the things I haven’t taught or bought my son as he goes to college.
No, HelloFresh, I’ll just eat cereal this week.
No, Dobby, I cannot bathe you. Just continue smelling like a vacuum cleaner for now.

Maybe I need to rethink that beer thing.

What I truly need to rethink are the things that I have said “yes” to in the past several months.

Yes, youngest son, I will be there as you graduate from high school and transition to college.
Yes, family, let’s go to Canada for 10 days, see beautiful things, but also catch and share Influenza A.
Yes, lungs, I will go to the ER to get treatment for a flu-induced asthma exacerbation.
Yes, U-Haul, I will hire strong people to load and unload my worldly possessions.
Yes, Realtor, I will stage my old house so that it looks like nobody does or ever has lived here before.
Yes, beautiful new house, I will put worldly possessions in cabinets and work off a TV tray until I get a desk.
Yes, business, I will finally execute on that venture I’ve been thinking about for a decade.

What’s crazy is that the two lists above are not exhaustive.

If I looked deeper into my task list, I am sure I would find many more items to which I have said, “Not now Outlook, that is a Future Melissa task.”

If I examined my calendar for the past few months, I would likely see other things to which I said “Yes, Esmerelda, let’s do this.”

As I re-read the two lists above, I have thoughts. And feelings. And behaviors. Darn it, it’s a whole cognitive triangle!

Most of the “Nos” feel like I am exercising free will and am fully accountable for my decision. Thus, I feel guilty about saying no because I had the option of saying yes.

All the “Yeses” feel like Hobson’s Choices, because I really didn’t have the option of saying no. For example, I couldn’t forbid my son from graduating, right? There really wasn’t a choice. He was going to graduate.

Thus, I am relieved of guilt for saying yes because I had no other option. Instead, I feel disempowered and helpless. I am a water skier tethered to a speed boat during water moccasin season. Better hang on to that rope!

Fabulous. <<sarcasm>>

Every productivity expert on the planet, including Steve Jobs, tell us that we must say no to things that are not on mission and yes to the things that are.

And what I choose to hold onto is a pile of no-induced guilt and yes-led powerlessness.

Awesome. <<sarcasm…again>>

I need to make better choices. Not necessarily about the things to which I say no or yes, but the conclusions that I absorb into my psyche because of these choices.

Guilt and powerlessness do not lead to feelings of accomplishment, heightened self-esteem, and at the deepest level, self-worth.

My son graduating from high school may not represent an actual choice I made, but dammit, I chose to be physically present with him (even when he didn’t want to be around me).

Here is my preliminary conclusion…

The “yes” versus “no” may not be the crucial choice.

Perhaps the crucial choice lies in how we decode, absorb, and retain the impacts of the yes and no choices we made.

When I set out to write this blog, this was not at all the direction I intended. I especially didn’t intend to say, dammit. Dammit, did it again.

My curated resources for this topic contained wonderful references to the “No-YAY” technique and inspiring quotes by Gandhi and Steve Jobs (two cool dudes).

I also came up with the brilliant portmanteau, “NOpportunity.” I felt clever even though it is so obvious that someone must have thought of it before. Yeah, I just Googled it. Not original.

Lastly, I had a pithy story about packing our moving boxes with my son. While the house was a total disaster of tape and cardboard and worldly possessions, we received three, THREE, requests for potential buyers to come tour our house.

My son looked at me and said, “Can’t we just say no???” To which I replied, “Eyes on the prize, Son. It’s more important to sell this house than to pack it perfectly. Let’s drag everything into the garage.”

So, if you came here to feel better about saying No, that’s going to have to be another post.

OR it could be a fun new thing contained in that mysterious business venture I reference above. Maybe I have developed a humorous, professional, and effective way to soften a “No.”

Hmm. <<sarcasm?>>

Maybe you should email me and ask to join my VIP list so that you’ll be in the know (no?) when said venture launches.

Yes?